Look at the fat dude....

Greetings my fellow readers. First of all, I would like to bid a happy belated Maal Hijrah to all my muslim family and friends and of course not forgetting, my beloved christian friends, Merry belated Christmas to all of you.

Seeing that 2009 is about to pass and the muslim new year is already here, I'd like to share with all of you my aspirations for this coming year. Of course, first on my list would be to finish my 19 years of non stop studying, and hopefully pass with flying colors. The second one which I've been trying all these years, and will be talking to you about, is to lose weight and be more confident@vocal. Last but not least, is to bring home a girl to introduce to my mom cause all these while she's been quite curious bout whom ever it is I am seeing. (Mummy, I know you are reading this. Don't worry, I know my priorities.) =)

Okay, I know the title of my entry today is quite disturbing, especially to those of you with a little 'spare tyre', but just keep on reading. It might be educational. =) Let me start by saying, I am fat. I am. So to those out there with that big gut and 'double-chin' (as my mom likes to refer to) I understand how you feel. Don't go and lie to yourself and to others, that you are happy the way you are. Know who you really are and my advice is to keep on reading because today ladies and gentlemen, I shall reveal the truth that lies within. The truth, that most of us know, but dare not speak out. The truth, about yourself.

Generally speaking, I'm never so bold to speak out my mind, in the presence of others. I keep everything to myself, especially stuff that can hurt others. Unfortunately today, I prefer to be a little direct in voicing out what my heart tells me and at the top of the list, the person who hates you most because of your flaws, are those with the same flaws as yours. What do I mean some might ask. For example, fat dudes (such as myself) actually hates other fatties. Are you sure Mooney? I sure am. The thing about it though, why hate it really?

Most people don't really understand the concept of accepting the truth about oneselves. First and foremost, if you are to mirror the anger or the hate for others, ask yourself this question, where does this anger really comes from? Is it really from him/her or is it really from you yourself? Why is it so? Example, you hate looking at other fat people, then you mirror the anger and find out it is actually from within. You actually hate yourself for being big, huge, obese whatever you want to call it. The question to that now is why? Is it because you feel due to your body you lack the confidence? Is it because of your body, you can't find beautiful girls? Or maybe because you are plainly just sick of being unhealthy?

Being as honest as I can, I hate myself for being fat. I lack the confidence with girls due to it and I lack the ability to be as healthy as I always wanted too. The people out there that keeps on blaming the fatties for being fat don't really help either. My whole life, I felt retarded and useless, while I keep on stuffing my face over and over again. Then salvation came. I met some very good friends. They assure me, I am who I am and they just love me for it. I still remember one of them telling me, everyone has their vices. Fat guys, thin guys, handsome and even the ugly ones. But what really differs the handsome from the ugly and the washboard-abs and the spare tyres is the confidence. So I stopped and pondered...

My whole life, I've always manage to be pessimistic. Never once have I acknowledged my achievements. The boon to my bane. If you would just take the time to think of your accomplishments, you would actually feel good about yourself and thus the confidence. That is actually the thing that seperates the two. For those out there, whom are just like me, take this one moment and visualise your accomplishments in life. Your studies, your job and of course your life.

Now lets talk about the second agenda, rejections. Rejections come in different shapes and sizes. Application rejections, love life and even at times financially. Rejections occur almost everyday. It's the way we look at the rejections that really matters. If a girl rejects you, then maybe you wouldn't want to be with her anyway. You seek true love and she's shallow. That's how it is. Actually you could say that you're lucky even. You don't get a job? Well maybe the approach during the interview was wrong. Learn something from it and don't make the same mistakes again. The list goes on and on. To put it short, accept it and move on.

The one thing I won't deny is actually, to change yourself and be more optimistic is an endurance race. Thre will be times in life when you feel more pressured then others and you start to reflect once again on the failure. My simple tip would be, remind yourself again and again of your accomplishments so that the series of unfortunate event won't pull you down to the slum.

As for my new year's resolution of trying to lose weight, it's simple. Its not really because I doubt myself and lack the confidence like I used to, but actually I want to be healthy. Feel healthy. This is especially important, when my family actually has the history of 'full-house' diseases that doubles its chances with overweight people. As for confidence and being vocal, I believe I'm capable of being more of both than I am at this moment. With this, I shall put an end to my quite long entry today and bid to all of you a Happy New Year and Good Luck with the new year's resoultions.

Cheerios

Munawwir Khan Yusoff Khan

p.s New Year's Eve means fireworks here in Reutlingen so wooohooo...