Life is like a box of chocolates... the types you sometimes wish you don't get

What's happening to me lately. I've checked my biological clock twice then I remembered that I'm not a woman at that time of the month (not that I'm a woman too but truly if this is how it feels, then I'm glad it doesn't happen to a male once a month =P) . My mood swings lately have been like the swinging of an old grandfather clock and the funny part is, the triggers are small simple things which I've been keeping inside after all this while.

Every where I look, there's always a flaw and I keep mumbling to myself, why this and why not that. Crazy part is, no one else seems to be bothered. For example, yesterday, I saw this old guy with this very gorgeous young lady in a car driving along Setapak and it makes me wonder, what the hell does this old guy has and the other youngsters don't. A Proton Perdana? Really? If he was driving a Modena 360, that would be another matter but a Perdana? Man does that lady have a good taste (sense the sarcasm).

Even tonight, as I was sharing my thoughts with a good friend during a TT session, old issues that I thought I've rid off long ago, came back to mind. Family issues, financial problems, studies, relationships, well basically life. Yes, it was my whole life flashing through the back of my mind. Never knew that I was burdening such stress though one might relate it to my balding head. (Duh!!)

I seek and seek the virtue behind all this mishaps, that's been clinging at the back of my mind but to no avail. Dear God, I pray to thee. Though strength and courage you've given me, I feel at times it's too much a burden. I seek in a prayer for its virtue and may it all leads back to You. I try so much to see the good yet despair was all that I understood. May you guide and bless me to see the light, through the darkness of which I am still blind. Amin ya Allah...

The truth is, I'm just angry. Angry at myself. Angry at people I know and sometimes those I don't know. Angry huarghhhhhh. (You won't like me when I'm angry. I'll turn green into...Shrek =P) Even so, I've never been a big fan of confrontation. Through out my life, I was told to show respect especially to the elderly or those whom are older than me. The thing is, sometimes they tend to do things which really is annoying to you and there aren't any respectable way of voicing out your opinion. My utmost disliked quote has always been this, 'Dengarlah cakap kami. Kami lebih dulu makan garam dari korang'. Why you ask? Well, it's just that this quote creates a generation gap instead of patching it together. What's wrong with just saying, 'in my opinion...'? That would've been a more open discussion and less annoying.

I don't know about you guys, but I always feel, if a family could just sit down and talk of their problems openly without guilt and the neverendless pressure of the 'hawk eyes', they could simply remove the emotional distractions from their daily life which causes stress. But then again, who am I to say it out loud? I've been physically challenged, emotionally abused and mentally incapcitated by all of life's hostility. So guess what life. Bring it on... Round two begins here....

p.s To all the calon-calon isteri, kalau ada yang baca, I just hope later, less nagging pls. Penat wooo nak layan. Mana tak nya? Astro punya sattelite pun ada off button. hehehe Cheerios peeps.