Guilty Conscience...

Sometimes I ask God why do some people like me have too much guilty conscience. I admit that I'm not perfect but each of my wrong doings keep me up all night thinking and sobbing to myself. I'm not really the hoo haa type or anything. More of the once a while naughty type...

I stay at home wondering sometimes why I care so much? Do I lack the attention or love? I don't really think so. Its just that I look around at my friends and my cousins, they seem contented with their lives at my age. Same goes to my brother. Me on the other hand, I feel depress looking at certain things. I worry too much and I feel so afraid of God's wrath for every little sins that I do. My mum always advices me that I should be patient with all of life's struggles. Only Allah knows, how patient I've been. My outlet to my troubles? My close friends. They have been there for me... Thank You guys...

Some might ask, why I don't tell things to my immediate family? Frankly speaking, I can't. My mum is always worried sick and the way I look at it, she'll get worse if I were to really voice out what's in my head. My siblings? I won't want to go there either. Honestly, I've always wished that my late father was still around. At least to him, I could tell my troubles and not get into much of a lecture or an oblivious look but rather a sound advice. Ya Allah, andai ini dugaanMu terhadapku, Kau berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk menempuhinya. Kau tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang lurus agar dapat ku atasi segala dugaan ini tanpa menyakiti atau menyusahkan sesiapa ya Allah. Ku mohon akan petunjukMu.

Fact being, though some might sayI carry too much of other people's guilt along with me, let me be bear with it, cause Allah knows whats in my heart and how I look upon the world. Let He and no one else judge me for He is our Creator and to Him we shall return... Subhanallah...

Munawwir Khan Yusoff Khan